How To Respond To The Question, "So, What Do You Do?"
The Problem with Using Jobs as a Measure of Worth.
Photo by Jenean Newcomb on Unsplash
"What do you do?" is a friendly phrase that serves as a surface level icebreaker in social conversations. While this question may seem to be straightforward, it has deep implications that trouble me to no end. It is one of the pillars of social stratification that people can put a price on someone's life based on their work and income. Yet in a culture where these factors play an oversized role in our understanding of others, raising this question inevitably leads to misinterpretations and unforeseen consequences.
When someone asks you about your job, it's not just small talk. They often try to figure out where you stand on the Job Prestige Ladder. For example, if you say you're a musician, they might assume you're a free spirit who struggles financially. However, if you say you're a music teacher, you might suddenly be viewed as more respectable. It's almost like you've cracked a secret code.
The question "So, what's your real job?" has been around for ages. It's a question often posed to professional musicians who play the piano, guitar, or drums as if music is just a hobby. It's similar to asking little kids, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" While it's true that many people play instruments for fun, music is their livelihood for those who make music for TV commercials, video games, movie soundtracks, radio, and musical theater.
As for me, when I get hit with the "What do you do?" interrogation, I love throwing curveballs. I usually respond with, "You know those folks in Times Square dressed as superheroes and Disney characters? Yeah, I'm the guy in the Elmo suit breakdancing on a slab of cardboard. I go by 'The Breakdancing Elmo.'" The reactions are priceless. Some are genuinely intrigued, and others give me that skeptical squint, as if I've just said I'm the long-lost black member of ABBA. The best part? Most people abandon their belief in my Elmo alter ego within 45 seconds, leaving me chuckling at their befuddled expressions.
Attitudes toward this question vary widely. In some cultures, like France, asking about someone's job immediately is considered nosy. The French philosophy aligns more with the idea of working to live rather than living to work, emphasizing the need for a healthy work-life balance. The American or British cultures, however, often place work at the center of one's identity, making the question more acceptable but no less intrusive.
The question can be particularly sensitive for those who are disabled or unemployed, putting them in a spot where they may feel compelled to disclose personal information. On the flip side, there are instances where the question can be considered fair game, such as dating or forming close friendships. The intent behind the question, in these scenarios, is to build a deeper understanding rather than a superficial judgment.
For folks who are between gigs or who can't work because of health reasons, this question can be tricky. Just like a musician might be dealing with a dry spell between gigs or maybe some vocal strain that keeps them from performing, not everyone fits neatly into a job title. The narrow focus on jobs when assessing someone's value overlooks the multifaceted lives that we lead. The ‘what do you do’ question sifts people into categories of 'worthy' or 'unworthy'. The premise appears to be that our jobs determine whether we are deserving of respect.
Our society needs to make progress in separating personal worth from employment and income. There are many people who lead fulfilling lives in roles that society may not consider prestigious, such as homemakers dedicated to family welfare or volunteers contributing to their communities. It's time to stop categorizing people based on their jobs. In fact, many of us engage in multiple jobs to make ends meet, especially in the music industry.
Maybe it's time to ditch the standard, 'What do you do?' and opt for questions that delve deeper into someone's personality and passions. Instead of subtly judging people based on their job title, why not ask, 'What are you most passionate about?' or 'What do you do for fun?' You'll receive a more genuine response and make a real connection. Questions such as 'What's the best thing that happened to you today?' or 'What are you most excited about right now?' can provide insights into someone's current joys or aspirations.
If you want to learn more about someone's life goals or aspirations, try asking more meaningful questions such as "What are you working on?" or "What are you looking forward to?". You could even ask a more imaginative question like "If money were no object, what would you do with your life?". By asking such questions, you demonstrate that you value the person for who they are and not just for their societal label. Also, your conversations will be much more engaging, and you'll be a much more fascinating person to talk to at social events.
So, the next time you're tempted to ask someone, "What do you do?" maybe hold off and let the conversation flow naturally. You'll probably learn more about them, like what they're passionate about. After all, no one likes to be reduced to just their day job—or their latest gig.
You might ask, "Clayton, what does this have to do with me getting a chair on a Broadway show?!" Networking plays a crucial role in getting a chair on a Broadway show, just as it does in any other business. In today's job market, networking is not just a buzzword but an essential part of career development and growth. While skills and qualifications are important, the saying "It's not what you know, it's who you know" holds true for a reason. Networking allows you to establish relationships beyond transactional interactions. It helps you connect with mentors, collaborators, and potential employers who can provide opportunities you might not have known existed.
How you communicate, listen to others, and show genuine interest in them can be as important as your qualifications. Strong interpersonal skills can set you apart in a competitive job market, potentially leading to unadvertised job opportunities that suit your skills and personality. It's not just what you can do but also who you know and how well you get along with people that can help you succeed. Being able to form meaningful connections can significantly impact your career growth, turning networking from a tedious task to a valuable investment for your future.
So, the next time you're tempted to ask someone, "What do you do?" maybe hold off and let the conversation flow naturally. You'll probably learn more about them, like what they're passionate about. After all, no one likes to be reduced to just their day job—or their latest gig.
Completely agree about the "so what do you do" commentary. It also has a bias of specialism to it -- as if we're all only incumbent to "do" one thing.
But I'd like to further develop the thing you said about people associating music with hobbies. The 'hobby' concept has destroyed a lot of trades that would otherwise make people money. Don't get me wrong -- there are some things that are fine as hobbies and should be reserved as such, like playing video games.
However, when we take something that is a skill and minimize it to something that should only be performed during leisure time, then we're putting things like skilled woodworking, or musicianship, in the same category as flying kites. Which is ridiculous. The fact that things like music are difficult to monetize has reduced the quality of music overall because friendly competition motivates better quality things. Music was once a well-respected trade. But since the music industry makes music look the way it does, it's reduced to entertainment.
I look for these "hobbies" to return to being the trades that they once were, as we get out of this post-industrial era where one must be a "systems engineer", or "environmental technician" and other pompous trades.